Meet Major Candy Cane

The Ruthless Enforcer in Santa's Platoon

One frosty Christmas Eve, he faced a rebellion of rogue gingerbread men, armed only with a peppermint stick and a passion for busting kneecaps. Major Candy Cane marched into the fray, shouting, "Time to get festive boys!" He moved these treats from the knees down, leaving gingerbread crumbs and icing littered across the snow. Victorious, he declared, "That's how you crumble under Christmas pressure!" Now, Major Candy Cane spends his days telling kids, "Back in my day before they made you soft cookie doughs, we always had to be ready to kick some confectionary ass, especially during the holidays!"

Signed, 

Major Candy Cane